I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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