The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
