but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
