i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
