very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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