Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
