dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He literally asked permission to hit on me
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
