So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
