You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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