Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
