Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
