The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize