She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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