Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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