Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
