Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
