Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
