I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
