This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
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You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
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why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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