Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
