I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
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We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
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The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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