Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
