Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
