You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
