You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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