you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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