what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
