one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
