we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
