Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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