sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
