I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
