he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
