I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
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