We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
