sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
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Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
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I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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