i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
