For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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