I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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