well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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