Cold hands, warm shart.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
