if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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