when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
