yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
