I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
