I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
