I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
