He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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