was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
