I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
