i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
