fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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