True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
