You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
