I wish I could teleport
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
