I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
