a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
