If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
